vendredi, juillet 23, 2010

O.C.D.

Everyone has it. Just a little. Or so says the literature on the subject. To some degree, everyone obsesses compulsively about something. Even you fall somewhere on the scale, from insisting on a certain brand of raisin bran, to being utterly paralyzed by a perceived need to keep flushing the toilet until the toilet paper roll is spent. Maybe you function normally until confronted with a cheesecake, the deliciousness of which you are deprived by your morbid fear of its "texture." Or perhaps you carry hand sanitizer in your purse. Obsessive Compulsive traits of one kind or another are universal. It unites us as a race.

Hence, rather than be ashamed of myself, I can rejoice in the O.C.D tendencies that may in fact constitute my only common ground with humans being.

Like you, I am unable to concentrate in my house if there is any kind of mess of any kind. Kind of kooky, huh? Like how we grab for the Windex when there's a fingerprint on the fridge? The daily vacuuming? The bleaching of the tub calking? Clean is better than dirty. Clean is better than dirty. And poor as we are, our houses might not be luxurious, per se, but they can at least look and smell decent. It's nice that we have that in common.

And I'm with you on the car foibles as well. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has almost crashed his car as he tried to pick up a napkin on the floor of the passenger side. Spots on the window. Spots on the window. Don't touch the glass, why do people insist on touching the glass? Is there a possible reason on God's green earth why people need to touch the glass? I think a lot of you may feel an obsessive compulsion to sully a beautifully clean and transparent substance with your bodily oils. Obviously, you have a problem. But nothing we can't handle together. This is about solidarity. Just keep your damn grubby hands off the windows and, hey, no problem!

You're probably going to be relieved to know that you're not the only one who feels a compulsion to tuck people's tags back into their shirts when they are flouted. Flagrantly or negligently isn't the issue. Tags belong on the inside. Perhaps we can commiserate about that time we followed the pretty girl around the store, but didn't dare say, "miss, your tag is sticking out" for fear that she might think we're flirting? It warms my heart to share with you the joy one can only feel when the scissors we carry for this purpose are called into action.

There may be a couple of people out there who don't understand the drinking fountain problem, but they are the few. So let them drink from the tall side and pass blithely on. We'll understand with relish the majority's desire to drink from tall side, then small, then tall again, and then--walk away--no--small again--finish where you started--tall one, followed naturally by small, back again--go now while you can--tall, tall again to break the pattern--go--but wait, the small one--no--walk--forget it if you can--run--run away--ETC. Luckily, they're usually porcelain or stainless steel, which are pretty good about concealing fingerprints and the like. I knew you were thinking that. We're not so different, you and I.

There are so many other little innocent quirks we could bond over, even celebrate. Of course, there are people who don't understand. Filthy, lazy people, who need help. Thankfully, they are in the minority. The research seems to say so. For now. But who cares? Just knowing how many of you there are out there, and how much we have in common, is life affirming. This solidarity goes beyond mere statistics. It binds souls together.

I don't want to overstate it.

Suffice it to say, it makes me feel better about the inevitable day when we can really join hands, and hearts, and rise up against the brazen, brutish heathen hoards polluting the planet and exterminate them once and for all.

That's all.

2 commentaires:

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. a dit...

i fear i may be and antagonist when it comes to certain parts of this... i discreetly leave a single, full thumbprint in the upper corner of ones car window that the driver wont find till they are home or in sunlight. sometimes i flip the roll of toilet paper into the dangerous underhand position...... my version of ocd. hm.

s.k.namanny a dit...

Actually, I love that there are factions in the OCD war, and that quirks can both feed into and oppose each other. I also love your subversiveness.

Always have, I guess.