mardi, juillet 08, 2008

Hands Free

As you are most likely aware, California has recently made it official: as of July 1st you can no longer speak on your cell phone without a hands free device whilst driving.  You will get pulled over.  

Never mind that this law was obviously enacted with funds from the lobbyists representing the makers of hands free devices, (since studies have shown fairly conclusively that it is, in fact, the CONVERSATION that distracts, and not the act of holding a phone).  Here is a list of things you can still do at the wheel and not get pulled over.  This list contains things I have either done, observed, or heard direct testimony about.  I suggest you try these while you still can.  If the fascist law makers and special interests have their way, we'll have no choice but to focus on the road.

Shave (face)
Shave (armpits)
Read the paper
Put on make up
Change your nylons
Watch a DVD
Receive oral sex
Engage in sexual intercourse
Paint and/or file your nails
Eat a variety of food items
Stick your left leg out the window in a desperate attempt cool off by getting air to funnel past the groin and down the other leg
Yell at your kids
Physically discipline your kids
Play the Harmonica (this one was my brother, who did get pulled over, but not for being dangerous at the wheel: the cops thought he was smoking a crack pipe)
Play air guitar
Rock out in general (not possible with the Dave Matthews Band)
Pop Zits
Brush Teeth
Urinate into a bottle
Try to communicate, with various hand gestures and "looks" how stupid, how desperately, INFINITELY STUPID a person's bumper sticker is.  

Feel free to add to the list. It is by no means definitive or exhaustive.

4 commentaires:

.när'sĭ-sĭz'əm. a dit...

they tried that here in texas.
'cept our law included tractors.

im not joking.


s.k.namanny a dit...

We have tractors here as well. Lots of them But we keep them very quiet.

James a dit...

I think "Infinitely Stupid" is my new favorite descriptive phrase.

I may have to incorporate it into my daily conversations.

James a dit...

...while driving of course.