mardi, mai 27, 2008

Top 10 Come-on Lines, (or, Scott K. Namanny in Hot Pants)

Sure I've been known to wear pants made for women from time to time, baby. But only because they cradled the buttocks just right and stretched like a dream for my patented ninja kicks. No, I'm not a black belt. But only because they don't make belts for the super secret, highly controversial Kung-Fu I studied.

These hype pants claim to have been made for a woman, but after seeing me bend over suggestively to pick up the piece of paper, or something, which I may or may not have dropped on purpose, I know what you'll be thinking: those pants were made for him, and he was made for those pants.

I'm gonna dance real smooth, sidling up to you so subtly that you'll think we've been dancing together all night. Yeah. And when you can't take your eyes off the South, I won't be gauche. I won't point to my eyes and say anything like: "I'm up here, girlfriend." No. I'll simply grab hold of your mind with my silky come-ons.

Which may include but will not be limited to something like the following.

*Baby, if we hook up we can share these pants.

*Just so you don't think this is all about looks, let me just assure you: you're so hot I don't even care if you're stupid.

*Your make-up looks even better up close. But don't think you didn't look equally hot in my high powered binoculars.

*Take it easy on me. I haven't been in love with a woman among the living since high school.

*Kiss me quick! I just made accidental eye contact with a fat chick, and I don't want her to get any ideas.

*Don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words beyond mine.

*I never thought I'd meet someone like you--and I'm not just saying that. Because, having never met you before, and knowing almost nothing about you, I honestly have no idea what you're really like and technically can't conceive of something totally unknown to me. You understand.

*[insert hair color here] is my favorite shade of sexy. [POW!]

*I'm not really this tall, I'm wearing heels.

*Are you as hot as I think, or have I been married so long that I'm just attracted to anyone with a jaw line?

Don't worry baby, I won't take your total lack of anything resembling resistance to mean that you're slutty or anything.

1 commentaire:

WendyCoe a dit...

Once the tears stopped rolling down my face and I could get finally stop clutching my sides in laughter, I had to leave a quick comment. Good stuff, ami de mon coeur!! You are a funny, funny man - I don't care what anyone else says. A bientot et j'envoie des bissous.