samedi, février 23, 2008

Jumble, ah yeah

Perhaps if you'd consent to read this in the voice of Larry King.

*Whoever is president doesn't matter. The office itself is a corrupt entity. It will take an almost messianic character to REDUCE the power of the office. Obama spreads manure with a golden shovel, but don't pretend he's really going to change anything. Hillary is beyond any doubt the embodiment of evil, and McCain is just Bush with bigger words and a real war record.

**I've been calling the world's worst restaurant McDevil's for years. I think I was ahead of the curve on that. Do you know anyone who really eats there? How do they stay in business?

***This is how stupid I am: the power had been out at my house for two days, and when I went into the closet, I still went for the light switch. I'm on automatic pilot. Opened the fridge thrice in one day and each time had no idea why I opened it. Still haven't figured out what I wanted.  The other day a friend called to see if it was snowing up in my neck of the woods.  I looked out the window and said: "No, just foggy."  We hung up.  Then I put my glasses on.  I had to call him back and inform him that it was indeed snowing.  I should start counting how many times a day I have to pause and say: How dumb was that?

****One of my biggest faults, and I mean this seriously, is that I'm hopelessly fashionable. It is the purest idiocy. I have all these boot cut jeans, been wearing them less than a year and, as you might have guessed, they are already out. By the way, don't assume the absolute worst when I use the word "fashionable." NO ONE has EVER seen my butt crack or my boxer shorts in public.

*****Hey all you tattooed people: when you're older and your ink is all murky and blotchy, when the art looks like a mistake no matter how hip the images used to be, I promise not to make fun of you. To your face. Hey, maybe that is the true statement of the tattoo--an inspiring affirmation of wondrous Youth, proclaiming to the world: I hope to die before this screaming skull is an embarrassing indiscernible blotch.


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