It should go without saying that women are superior to men in most ways--at least that is what I was raised to believe. In the very least, we can all admit that they put up with a lot more, what with having to share the world with men and the whole menstruation/pregnancy/childbirth thing.
Having said what should go without saying . . . There is a cramp in my right buttock, and I know the cause.
And you women cannot even speak of it, because you have no idea.
I basically drove across the country this past week. And as my auto lapped the miles, a pain began to develop. By the time the car stopped, "docile and omnipotent," at my own stable door, it was a fully fledged cramp. As I went back to the daily grind, it became a dull, lingering ache.
Let me remind the reader that I was, indeed, wearing girl pants on this trip. The stretchy corduroy of legend. This is only significant because said pants have back pockets.
And what does a man, and only a man, have in his back pocket? What has the sexist matriarchy dictated through their fascistic fashionistas that men cram into one of their back pockets? You guessed it. A wallet.
A wallet that initiated a muscular incongruency, an imbalance, large enough to cause an entire buttock to revolt. How long until the rest of me follows suit? And what if other men join me?
I hear you saying: "why didn't he just take the wallet out of his pocket whilst he drove?" The answer: I shouldn't have to. Society is to blame. I've tried. I thinned my wallet down to the bare minimum: License, credit card, Apple ProCare card, Emily Dickinson fan club membership, First aid/CPR certification, a letter from an old friend, and a Canadian 2 dollar bill. That's it. You see how I couldn't get by with less. My wallet is actually thinner than most.
You sit there with your symmetrically cradled buttocks, with your bottomless purse seated comfortably next to you, and you have the nerve to mock. But unless you're going to massage my right buttock, then I suggest you try sitting on that purse as you drive and see what the world is like for people on the fringes of the power structure.