dimanche, octobre 09, 2005

I Have Thrust My Sword into the Arena of Ideas . . . or, My Existence Has Been Encapsulated Just Above My Exhaust Pipe

Bumper Sticker Conundrum Kills Three.
Three motorists were killed, and several more injured, in a multi-car pile up Wednesday afternoon. Police on the scene said the accident was the result of a "particularly inane" bumper sticker.
Roger Cralen, who received only minor injuries, which were treated on the scene, was interviewed by police as his wife was life-flighted to Sutter Roseville ER.
"This old Volkswagen passed us and we noticed the bumper sticker that said 'honk if you hate bumper stickers that say honk if you love something.' I was about to honk, because I really hate those bumper stickers. But my wife pointed out that by honking, I was sort of
approving of those bumper stickers. The next thing we knew we were flying over the center divide."
When the Cralen's vehicle careened into oncoming traffic, they were side-swiped by a stickerless SUV which subsequently rolled accross several lanes before coming to a halt on top of a Geo Metro, whose only bumper sticker was the controversial "Mean People Suck." These two vehicles were then smashed into the fast lane by a Lincoln Continental with too many bumper stickers to name, most of which had something to do with "boogers." Medical officials on the scene reported that the drivers of all three vehilcles, (whose names are being withheld until the families can be notified), were killed instantly. At least 12 other cars had locked bumpers as traffic along the I-80 corridor came to a total stand still. Bush/Cheney stickers smashed into their Kerry/Edwards counterparts, and the driver of a "pro-choice" Honda was found pinned beneath the back wheel of a Toyota Prius bearing the Jesus Fish with the Darwin legs.

Emergency crews were able to open the far right lane as police began taking reports from eye-witnesses and victims, but progress was slow due to rubbernecking and the occasional gesture made towards one of the victim's anti war stickers.
"I don't know what's worse," said Mr. Cralen before being escorted to the hospital, "the rubbernecking or all these goddamn bumper stickers. There ought to be a law."
Police on the scene refused to lay blame for the disaster, saying only that the insurance companies will decide who is at fault, and that bumper stickers are still legal in Placer County.

The Volkswagen that allegedly caused the accident could not be located.

3 commentaires:

lukebible a dit...

Scot, please come to my show at the old ironsids thurday oct 20th, come see luke bible i would love to see you. it was so great to run into your lovely son walking down the canal the other day. I hear you are writing a book how wonderful. love luke.

kirstie a dit...

Now you understand the problems with bumper stickers -- it is not only the message that kills. That is a tragic/funny story. Oh, I feel so guilty saying funny -- but the comedy. Shakespeare couldn't have done better! Blasphemy you say???? Maybe society should rethink billboards as well. Although, they are larger to read and don't require as much driver attention away from the road. . . maybe people shouldn't try and reason with the driver while they drive. Maybe people should keep their comments to themselves -- like me for instance. Bye now.

kirstie a dit...

Oh yeah, your blog entry is also a great commentary on the human condition. I remember slinging that phrase around during college. It almost always got me an 'A'. But really, very craftily created blog entry.