mercredi, avril 06, 2005

MexiCorp.

Open Letter from the desk of MexiCorp CEO David M. Black:

The Third World has been swirling around the bowl for half a century now. The time has come to either save it--and clean up the mess--or flush it down. Considering their debt, their abject lack of anything resembling technology, and the unwashed ignorance their proletariat, many have predicted the fall and utter ruin of third world nations--giving up to despair, conceeding defeat.

Not so at MexiCorp.

A dynamic conglomerate of venture capitalists and corporate partners has banded together to purchase the struggling nations, beginning with the closest: Mexico. Absorbing their debt and assuming cotrol of all their infrastructure, such as it is, MexiCorp and its shareholders will become the sole proprietors of the nation, transforming it from a faltering political entity into a corporate dynamo. MexiCorp will also become the caretaker of the rich cultural texture of this abused principality, and will retain the most marketable aspects of their history and traditions within the brand structure and graphic identity of the operation.

The former citizens of Mexico will recieve unanimous immediate preliminary status as employees of the corporation, with attendant benefits. All will then be subject to a performance review. Sadly, it is not feasable to retain all employees. Those deemed redundant or feckless will be given a severance package and two weeks notice. If they wish to list MexiCorp on their resume as they seek opportunities elsewhere, MexiCorp will be happy to provide a positive reference.
Given the sheer scope of corporate land holdings, we foresee the necessary relocation of several employees to areas of the operation deemed more cost effective. Those who do not wish to relocate can trade percentages of their 401K for property rights in locations deemed suitable by the board.

The corporate headquarters will be moved from Mexico City to Puerto Vallarta, where there is ample hotel space and more hygienic recreation for the executive body, which will be flying in from sundry American cities with great regularity.

During the first three months directly following the takeover/buyout, MexiCorp will be closed for repurposing. At the completion of this process, tourists will again be welcomed as part of the "MexiCorp Welcomes YOU" advertising junket.

There is still time to invest in this exciting venture. Obtain a prospectus at our current headquarters in Atlanta Georgia, or visit our website, mexicorp.biz.

Excelsior!

David Black

2 commentaires:

kirstie a dit...

You have a comment waiting for you on Mobile Forensics. . . Oh wise and talented one.

dmo a dit...

I think I read a novel about this.."Copratopia." Anyway, I'll take my severance package, and blow this joint.