In These Pants--a primer

It all began the day these girl pants lifted me into the realm of political activity
It continued when they taught me the equality of the sexes.

It reached its apex when they became the uniform of those who stand guard at gate seven of the Arena of Ideas, cradling their way through denunciations of the fat, the dumb, the fat, the pants saggers, the partisans, the protesters, the Manillows, the Goracles, the Britneys.

As for the so-called friend who summed it all up by saying something like "Your blog is all about how you are right and everyone who is not like you is stupid," let me say this: While I would never dream of judging another human being, it is incumbent upon me to point out that you are simply wrong. NOT because you are different from me. Thank God you are. But you can understand how an independent observer might mistake you for stupid given how asinine your opinion is.

Yes, these girl pants have taken my thinking parts on quite a journey. But everything we wear wears thin; and as I have searched the racks for a suitable replacement to my two pair, I have come away disappointed. The girl pants of the Now are so low, the zippers so short, the thighs so thin, there is no chance they could be worn in comfort by a man. (Conspiracy theorists get on this right away please.) But as I sit here in a recently purchased pair of sexy gray man jeans, I have great hope for the future. Because, as you might have noticed, man pants are looking more and more girly every day.

Here's to a better tomorrow.