The Britney Spears Award

I know, she just got detained, and has been through hell, and we're all just tired of hearing about her. But this is NOT piling on. This is just to review some real achievements. To give the girl her due.

Her legacy is to have inspired, in the year 2007, some of the greatest comedy ever broadcasted. The "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!" video is ubiquitous and speaks for itself. Were this all she inspired, it would suffice. But she didn't stop there.

Somewhat overlooked in the shadow of the unfortunate sobbing girlboy was Mz. Spears' inspirational achievement on Saturday Night Live, where she succeeded in using her equally ubiquitous nether regions to inspire a P.E.T.A joke that was actually hilarious. Think of it: either of those things on their own are, in truth, frightening. I'm not sure what kind of genius it takes to live in such a way that the equation: Your Genitalia + Strident Activism = Humour actually works, but she is, in this regard, groundbreaking, if nothing else.

Slightly less known was the sports columnist who advocated that Jamie-Lynn Spears name her fatherless spawn NoChance Spears. That's cruel. But I laughed out loud upon reading it, and I'm still smiling. And I'm not going to make the mistake of giving Jamie-Lynn too much credit here. She was obviously inspired by her elder sister in the way that she conceived (i.e. too young and in public).

Finally, and this one will have flown under the radar, a Sacramento Talk show host referred to our inspiration in a way that absolutely cements her place in the pantheon of whatever she is. In a conversation wherein his radio partner Joe admitted that he would engage in relations with a drunken, propositioning Britney, Jack Armstrong said: " . . . so you would sleep with the zaftig dullard?" Repeat that with me:

ZAFTIG DULLARD.

This might be the greatest turn of phrase in all of 2007 (look them up on dictionary.com if you must.) And we owe it all to Britney. Hence she is awarded the Britney Spears Award for Excellence in Media Inspiration.
She might not win it every year, but it will bear her name in perpetuity.