I've tried to go clean. I've tried to change the subject. But every time I do, these people keep dragging me back in.
After this, I'll either admit to being a one-note-johnny or move on. I promise.
The Small World ride at Disneyland is closed down. Not to update what is probably the worst attraction at the park. Not to summarily execute all those nightmarish little robots (which were--we can say it now--originally intended to become the first wave of attack in Walt Disney's unholy army of the night. Had he not died tragically early, those adorable little animatronic wonders would at this moment be cracking a whip across your back.)
No, the ride is closed down because the original rinky-dink boats were designed for a different America. Those who imagineered the original lived at a time when the average woman weighed 120 pounds and her male counterpart a trim 175.
Now the boats are bottoming out in the fetid water. And I wish they would have consulted me, because rather than simply post a sign that says "You must weigh less than this to ride this ride," or "this attraction was designed for our less than generously appointed patrons," or "help us avoid malfunction by kindly removing any excess baggage/equipment/body fat," or "if you regularly consume more calories than you burn, you are disgusting and you don't deserve to ride," or even the now classic "NO FAT CHICKS!"--rather than simply asking fatties to ride through It's a Small World alone (as they are destined/doomed to ride through the less popular This is the Real World alone)--rather than post enlarged pictures of the bottomed out boats embarrassingly stopping up progress with the caption "This could happen to you!"--rather than any of these sensible options, Disney has inexplicably chosen to accommodate the obese. They are actually remaking the ride in the image of a gentler, fatter nation.
To which we can only say, in the words of a noted local radio celebrity:
Goodbye, sweet America!
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Maybe Americans today are fatter than they were 50 years ago. I have not done the research, but I'm sure there are statistics to back up such a claim.
The thing that bothers me however, is not so much the fat people themselves as it is the attitude of entitlement that these people have taken.
I guarantee that there were fat people in the 1950s. The difference is that back then a large person understood the fact that their lifestyle choices had social consequences that could not and should not be altered. They could no longer do certain things (like go canoing for example) and that is just how it was. No one felt sorry for them. Certainly Disneyland was not thinking of these people when they designed the Small World attraction. Why should they?
Fast-forward to today. If a person decides to completely disregard health and fitness and self-restraint, that person now expects the natural consequences of that choice to be the burden of us all rather than his alone.
Doors are widened, bathroom stalls enlarged, the worst ride at Disneyland shut down. And for what? So that we can collectively say to these people, "don't worry about it...just do whatever makes you feel good...it doesn't matter how fat or disgusting you are, we've got you covered. Just sit back and relax big guy."
I have something different to say to these people.
Eat a salad.
I think you nailed it, James. The sense of entitlement makes everyone ugly, no matter who they are.
Hopefully, it goes without saying that I would gladly sit next to an overweight person on any ride, or airplane, or at a football game, wherever. I would talk to them, respect them, even give them my oxygen mask if theirs malfunctioned as the plane went down.
Everything would be fine until the overweight person said: "I'm the one who fought for our right to pay for only one seat on the plane, even though we take up two. Can you believe the Airlines were going to make me buy a seat for each of my butt cheeks?"
Remember when Homer tried to go on disability for being overweight and had to wear a Mu-Mu?
Maybe they need to also change the name of the ride from "It's A Small World" to "It's A Big, Fat World (of Entitlement)".
Booya.
Yes, but then Homer's butt actually prevented the emission of poisonous gases. Hmm, quite the conundrum. So I guess being fat is ok if, in the end, your lard prevents a catastrophe. Now thats really FILLING the measure of your creation.
Oh dear. I think perhaps I'm responsible for the last bottoming out of the small world ride. Damn these love handles!
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