Hands Free

As you are most likely aware, California has recently made it official: as of July 1st you can no longer speak on your cell phone without a hands free device whilst driving.  You will get pulled over.  

Never mind that this law was obviously enacted with funds from the lobbyists representing the makers of hands free devices, (since studies have shown fairly conclusively that it is, in fact, the CONVERSATION that distracts, and not the act of holding a phone).  Here is a list of things you can still do at the wheel and not get pulled over.  This list contains things I have either done, observed, or heard direct testimony about.  I suggest you try these while you still can.  If the fascist law makers and special interests have their way, we'll have no choice but to focus on the road.

YOU CAN STILL

Shave (face)

Shave (armpits)

Read the paper

Put on make up

Change your nylons

Watch a DVD

Receive oral sex

Engage in sexual intercourse

Paint and/or file your nails

Eat a variety of food items

Stick your left leg out the window in a desperate attempt cool off by getting air to funnel past the groin and down the other leg

Yell at your kids

Physically discipline your kids

Play the Harmonica (this one was my brother, who did get pulled over, but not for being dangerous at the wheel: the cops thought he was smoking a crack pipe)

Play air guitar

Rock out in general (not possible with the Dave Matthews Band)

Pop Zits

Brush Teeth

Urinate into a bottle

Try to communicate, with various hand gestures and "looks" how stupid, how desperately, INFINITELY STUPID a person's bumper sticker is.  

Feel free to add to the list. It is by no means definitive or exhaustive.