Jumbletron

Iron Man--Still bearing the scars of Daredevil, and after the debacle that was Spiderman III, I was leery, and weary, of comic book superhero movies. But I did not hate Iron Man. Maybe it was the cast (Robert Downey Jr. has never disappointed me, and everyone else is on my list of favorite Hollywoodians), and maybe it was that my expectations had been lowered to such an extreme that anything passable would have been a pleasant surprise, but I walked out of there with that old "money well spent" feeling, which I haven't had for a summer fluff movie since the first Pirates of the Caribbean.
PS. If you hated the movie, don't bother commenting. I'm not interested in disputes over summer blockbusters, which either suck or don't. That's it. If you like the ones that suck (e.g. the so-bad-I-wanted-to-strangle-Johnny-Depp-with-his-damn-dreads sequels to the aforementioned Pirates movie), then you suck--but who cares? They're fluff! However, if you think they suck because of what they are (see fluff) then you suck even more, because pretension is worse than bad taste.


Carbon Credits--If you've been fooled into thinking these indulgences from the Holy Mother Church of Mindless Overwrought Guilt Ridden Environmental Activism are somehow OK, then you need to do a little research into where the funds go and what actual good they, in fact, do. (Careful though, you might end up hating Pope Gore just a little bit, just like I did when I researched--hoping, in fact, to bolster the claims in his infamous power point presentation . . . suffice it to say there were facts to the contrary). If you have, in fact, purchased a carbon credit or two, then all that can be said is: at least your overwrought, guilt ridden conscience won't bother you in activist hell, where you will be forced to debate the netherworldly warming trend with the opposite (though equally idiotic) types who spent the last decade arguing that our lifestyle doesn't have to change because our contribution to undeniable terrestrial warming was, in fact, scientifically negligible. Good luck winning that debate with the "I didn't have to change, I PURCHASED forgiveness from Mother Earth" argument.


Election Fatigue--a friend of mine called and reported that he was, at long last, tired of the election coverage. Forget the fact that his nick-name is "Mr. Attention Span." He was right. This election coverage has been over the top for what feels like an eternity. What with everyone so desperate to get onto the next disappointing regime and all. But I firmly believe that anything designed to test the dwindling national attention span is a good thing. Challenge people to pay attention. Or maybe not: I already have election fatigue fatigue.


Nougat--what is it? I know this sounds like a bad comedy bit from the eighties. But what is that stuff? A frustrated candy bar advocate tried to tell me it was whipped sugar and butter. But that can't be right. Man, I HATE candy bars. Almost all of them, but the popular ones in especial. Snickers, Milky Way, Baby Ruth, ALL OF THEM. Holy Crap they are bad. Disgusting blobs of sugary goo, sometimes accented by stale crunchy crud, all covered in the cheapest excuse for chocolate they could scrape off the works. An occasional Kitt-Katt I can understand, because people wouldn't flee from it screaming if you threw it in a pool. But otherwise, give me solid, unfettered, DARK chocolate. You might say I like my chocolate like I like my women: Solid, dark, and on the edge of bitterness.

See you next time. I have to stop now or this Jumble will go on forever.